Yo!! Its been a while since my last post..... again i am hit by another tornado.... my mind's in a mess..... entangled with those typical ''should i or should i not'' questions....
After receiving my results on the 12th, i'd started applying for scholarships.... actually i only applied for the JPA and Asean scholarship.... and i have no idea why i applied for the latter... for fun perhaps... hahahha
Well, the problem is this.... if i got a JPA scholarship, there's a high possibility that i will be sent abroad to further my studies.... but before that, an A-level course locally.... something like that lah.. i'm not sure also... but still there were some who want me to study form 6..... so, form6. matrics or what??? no idea.. hahha... anyway, i might choose the one which will start latter-- thus extending my holiday... hahhaaha
what's done can't be undone..... i've aplied for the JPA scholarship.... to make matters worse is that i applied for perubatan... which is what i wanted... but...(as what i'd already know) i'll have to attend a 5 day session of Program Pendedahan Kerjaya Seorang Doktor at HSA....where my mum works....Practically, i'd been there quite often when i was still a little girl.... hahhaa- sounds irony right... it's not that i don't feel like going.... but thinking that i might be alone..... haiz......
Initially, i was quite excited about this program and hoped that i could go for it.... but what makes me worry now are the trivial things such as where will the participants meet that day.... the hospital is so big and they can't just asked us to enter a door written bilik (whatever it will be)....or taklimat PPKSD.. right?? Can't they just make things clear to us on their letter....thus saving me the trouble to give the person incharge a call on that day... haiz....next... Is this supposed to be a whole day program...? (after reading the blogs of the others who went for this proram the previous years, it seems like a whole day program to me) .... die lah.... I'd promised Kim to go for an outing on Wednesday... how?? Maybe i should check things out on Monday before telling her about it,.... hahhaa....Another thing.... we will be divided into groups... dame desu yo!!! i'm bad in mixing around with unfamiliar people.... die again...(nevermind... it's a hospital i'm going to.... medical assistance is always available there....) hahhha Plus,... i've an upcoming re-take driving test.... this adds to my worries.... it was scheduled to be on the 30th March or 1st April but.. the JPA scholarship interview is also somewhere around that time... how?? Write an e-mail to postpone the interview if the days really clash??? Perhaps....
I don't know why, but since the day i failed my driving test, i had that kind of emptiness/confusion in me.... why?? I kept telling myself that it's alright to fail....but maybe its because that i'm afraid that the re-take driving test will clashed with my interview date.....and i can't possibly have any driving lessons next week.....haiz.....or maybe its my new handphone... i'd lost some of my contacts because i'd forgot to save them on the SIM card... but it'll be a hassle to take it out again and put it back to the old hp just to copy the contacts.... and i'd offended ''granny-yam nee'' yesterday because of this.... hahaha... Luckily i got her number from kim.... hhahaha
empty... blur.... headaches are all i have now...
People, friends and relatives kept asking me what are my plans and where will i be studying... but all that i can say... don't know.... see first hahhha... i'd become used to do my Maria duty after 3 moths of doing so... wash clothes, hang them, fold them, sweep the floor, mopping.....and i sometimes think that.... why not i just stick to these chores hahhahaah
Seriously.. i'm troubled......mipo (long time didn't use already) hahaaaha
Pray that God will help me to solved these problems one by one... step by step.... i'm in a whirlpool now.. don't bother to save me either.... hahaha.... i won't drown.... hahahaa
But i really should go for that PPKSD thing.... its the first step to realising my dream.... i'd heard of whatever it is....like visiting the mortuary and A&E which are the fields i'm interested in.... haha......
there's an education fair today.... and i can't make up my mind whether to go or not?? Guessing that it would make me more confuse.... i decided to forget about it... just stay at home and be prepared for Monday.... i told myself....hahhha
There is no dead end in the path to success.... try your best... presevere.... no matter how hard the journey might be.... don't give up!!! Because without trying it... you won't know that you can do it!!!... that's how i used to encourage myself.....
one more.....haha.....If there are some people who can do it.... why can't i do the same??? hahhaha
Courage is the thing i lack most in my life... i know what to do.. and how things should be done.... it's just that i don't have the courage to put them into action..... why??? is it because i'm scared of failure???? perhaps..... or maybe its the pride i have in me.... self consciousness... can't i just rid them off.... haiz.....
emo..... and that's me!!
have to stop now.... craps are coming out from me... hahha....
GO GO ME!!!!!!!
